Terror

My life is fairly mundane; following the same basic schedule from week to week. I am hugely lucky to be able to spend so much time with my children and to watch them learning and growing. I just can't imagine what it must be like without home schooling.....how would I have the close connection I enjoy with my kids if I hadn't had the privilege to play, teach, guide and learn from them all of these years?

Anyway, my life is pretty predictable and we aren't the most spontaneous lot, so one would think I would be riding an even tide of emotions. Ha ha ha ha ha. Not even. Without touching on the hormonal roller coaster of midlife, or mentioning the myriad of stressful happenings in our family at large, I can freely admit here that I suffer waves of terror almost daily. Terror that the time I have with said children is being misused or at least not maximized. Terror that I'll miss something very, very important that will necessitate they pay for years of therapy on my account. Terror that I am unable to get to the root of every teen emotion, to help them through that oh so difficult time of life. Terror, too, that this journey of parenthood is flying by WAY too fast. I fear it will be over before I get my role down. It seems to be taking me years to perfect it, and just as I think I've got it down, they change or I change or everything changes and I'm back at the green beginning again.

Maybe I am strange in this regard - heck, I don't know. I'd like to believe that the other rockin' moms I know face similar worries from day to day. But many of them make it look so easy, so effortless, so naturally sweet that I wonder. I wonder if they worry about their daily parenting choices or lose sleep thinking about how fast the tiny tots became teens. I wonder if they, too, share my moments of terror.