Friday, November 20, 2009

Bitch Blog

Yes. You did read that title correctly. Bitch Blog.

Could be referring to the writer - I'm not going to deny that moniker lately. Could be I left off the dated "in!" from the first word, meaning I think a great deal about myself and my words. OR could be that I feel like a good bitch - the verb.

This time of year is reserved for reflecting on the many blessings of our lives. Believe me, I have many, many things to be grateful for. But the more I try to focus on the positive aspects of my present circumstances, the more I feel like bitching. Not particularly pious, I know. But honest, and at least that is something.

Let me begin with my discourse on the state of the economy. In a word, it stinks. Obviously this is not big news, but it seems that just when I hear on the 6am news that we are finally turning it around, two more local stores close and someone else I know loses a job. Salaries are down, expenses are up....for goodness sake, just feeding a family is becoming amazingly expensive! My dollar buys less yet is harder to come by........I am beginning to understand my grandmother's obsession with saving every plastic wrapper, cardboard container, outgrown clothes or dried out bread crusts - just in case we can use it for something and pinch another penny.

That's understandable, right? Everyone is bitching about the economy, especially now with the holidays approaching. But hopefully one day soon money will again flow abundantly through USA veins, making this particular bitch fade into memory. Unfortunately, no amount of monetary infusion will stave off this ugly aging process (see Michael Jackson). Time, that stealthy thief that just can't stop stealing my vitality and health. And it isn't just me! Good Gods! We're all getting old, more decrepit, sluggish, and dim-witted while our once best assets slide to the floor. Yeah, least I have my health. But not all of us do! I'm sick of seeing my loved ones suffering and hurt, unable to live the lives they long for.....unable to just enjoy some of the most basic and simple pleasures. It breaks my heart and makes me bitterly grieved.

Getting older for me has meant more and more dependence on pharmaceuticals......I never envisioned myself as the lady with the lined up medicine bottles. Each and every day, first thing in the morning I have to take a fistful of meds and supplements just to hold the old girl together. How I HATE being dependant on medication every day - for those of you who don't know, I have no thyroid, so must take replacements everyday. Sounds like no big deal.....and I didn't think it WOULD be a big deal back when I said 'Sure! Rip it out!' But now the FDA has halted the production of the natural supplement I use - the one I MUST have to feel even close to right - and I am reduced to buying drugs at exorbitant prices from Canada. Small bitch, really, considering those I know dying of cancer or struggling with life altering disease and trauma. But a daily bitch, one that rankles me every morning and niggles me every afternoon when I start to yawn and wonder if the meds I am taking are truly the strength they claim to be......

Not only am I getting older, but so are my offspring. I am now the proud parent of two teens - my son won't be 13 until January, but believe me, he qualifies. I would rather swallow tacks and face Chinese water torture than to relive my teenage years......I don't envy the trials and lessons that these kids have yet to face. But who knew that parenting teens could be equally harrowing? Conversations about sex and drugs, about gender and hate, about the ugliness in the world that I can no longer shelter them from......yuck. None of it is as easy as it seemed like it would be. Oh, and driving lessons! Good grief! You can not fully appreciate the difficulty of parenting a teen until you sit in the passenger seat while your child narrowly avoids smashing your van into a stop sign. True and total powerlessness - not pretty. Come to think of it, this is probably directly related to the escalation in the aging process that I'm so lucky to be least there is a bit of order to the bitchiness.

I'm lonely. I'm tired. I feel like the brain cells are leaking out of my ear. I eat things like bananas and oatmeal now, which once were reserved in my mind only for babies or old folks without teeth. My vocabulary has been reduced to slang from my childhood and my most technical reading material is a crochet book. Four loads of laundry and dinner in the crock pot means it is a good day. My half marathons have been reduced to half blocks - with pain. I no longer have the pleasure of kicking and punching people, so instead grind my teeth. I can tell you nearly every way to Laguna Beach and to OCHSA from anywhere in Orange County and I probably will try to bum quarters off of you since I keep running out feeding my meters.

The floors are dirty, the bathrooms need to be cleaned, someone should wash the dog,, strip the beds, load the dishes and do the laundry. Can't we just eat cereal this week? For all of our meals? No, I didn't buy milk. Try water.

Sigh. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Me? Probably.


  1. Do you know that I think you are terrific. You seem like the organized put together one, making it look effortless while I struggle away. I always enjoy seeing you and you always help me to move forward in educating my daughter. So, today, I am thankful for you and your wisdom and your friendship. Judith

  2. I totaly hear ya! I feel like I'm falling apart. I wish I could offer some great wisdom that would make you feel better! All I can offer is an ear, shoulder, and perhaps a funny mishap here and there to give you a giggle. You are an amazing person! I hope that you can still see that in yourself, if not ... See that you are mirrored by your kids. I know you can see it in them! Love you woman.

  3. I think you are bitchin! You know you are. Venting is helpful for getting over those rough patches, so feel free to vent away here or in person. Honestly, sometimes a good bitch session is just what the doctor ordered.


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